Is it Normal For My Baby to Fight Sleep?

Baby Sleep

Jan 29

You know your baby needs to sleep, but when you go to swaddle or rock them, they suddenly act like it’s the last thing on earth they want to do. In fact, they seem mad about it and wind up instead of down. Babies arch their back, push their bodies away from you, try to wriggle free, and get very agitated.

Is it normal for babies to be tired, but fight falling asleep?

Yes — it’s very common for babies to appear to “fight” sleep, and it usually has more to do with development and timing. The first thing to know is you haven’t done anything wrong. Depending on the age, there are different reasons that little ones resist being helped to sleep. In our years of working with families, here’s what we’ve learned about why this could be happening, and what you can do about it.

Tired but wired (common in babies under 5 months)

Babies who are under 5 months old often get mixed signals from their own brains. That’s because the circadian system — the internal clock that regulates sleep and wakefulness — is still developing, and while it’s a work in progress, the inputs get crossed. I’m sleepy, I’m activated, I’m spent, and I’m wired can all happen at the same time. By the time babies are 5 months, their brain clocks have matured enough to be more organized and these mixed signals subside. If your baby is under 5 months and fighting sleep, changing the scene can help — walking outside (almost always works), putting them down and using your Soothing Ladder. Often when babies under 5 months fight sleep, you’ll pull from a repertoire of soothing skills.

💡Learn how to survive the 4 month sleep regression in our Babies 3-5 months class.

Awake too long (overtired babies fight sleep)

We find that many parents keep babies awake too long during the day. It may be because recently some baby sleep sources recommend keeping babies awake, thinking it will help to build sleep pressure. But overtired babies get very activated and fussy and have a harder time falling and staying asleep. From birth to 5 months, the average awake span can grow from as short as 60 minutes, to 90 minutes or 2 hours (see the book or online class for in depth nap coverage) and almost universally most babies and toddlers do well with a 7pm bedtime.

Ready to do it on my own! (babies over 5 months)

Babies over 5 months are capable of self-soothing and falling asleep on their own. One of the reasons they seem to struggle with sleep is because they want to do it themselves, but you’re trying to do it for them. They’re confused and reaching externally for support when really they have all they need internally.

In other words, they’re not fighting sleep per se, they’re fighting your good intentions to help them with it. This is a developmental shift that surprises many parents.

It can really feel like a power struggle. If that sounds like you, your baby is telling you they need more space. This is a good indication they’re ready for the Sleep Wave, to clearly and responsively hand over the role of self soothing to them.

Learn the Sleep Wave—Step-by-Step Guidance for Parents

Ready to start the Sleep Wave?
You don’t have to choose between sleepless nights and harsh methods.
Get a clear, compassionate plan that teaches your baby to self-soothe—without tears or guilt.

Thousands of families have reclaimed peaceful nights using the Sleep Wave. Yours can, too.

FAQ

Yes. Many babies resist sleep at different stages of development. This is usually related to immature sleep rhythms, overtiredness, or a growing desire for independence — not a problem with your baby or your approach.
Babies who are overtired or overstimulated can become more wired instead of calm. Their bodies need sleep, but their nervous systems are too activated to settle easily.
Not usually. In many cases, sleep resistance is a sign that a baby has been awake too long. Earlier, consistent bedtimes often help babies fall asleep more easily.
For babies under 5 months, soothing support is often necessary. For babies over 5 months, resistance can be a sign they’re ready to fall asleep on their own. This is when the Sleep Wave works really well.

Author Bios

Julie Wright, MFT & Heather Turgeon, MFT

We're Julie Wright and Heather Turgeon — psychotherapists, and authors of the best-selling book The Happy Sleeper.

We're also both moms, so we know what it feels like to be desperate for sleep while also wanting, above all else, what's best for our babies.

We created The Happy Sleeper method to give parents a science-based, developmental approach to healthy sleep and a healthy bond. We’ve helped over 100,000 parents achieve this goal, and we’re excited to help you too!